Love 2016 is the re-launching of a “Love series” I used to write in high school. Every year I would write an essay about love and call it “Love (year)”. Although I no longer remember what I wrote about then, I want to be reminded of what I write about from here on out.
I started this year thinking that “love” is just an illusion created through the happy combination of chemicals and hormones. How did I start thinking that way? Well, that’s a secret you’ll have to find out for yourself if you’re really interested.
There might be some method to it since scientists have suggested that there are “three stages of falling in love” which are lust, attraction then attachment, with a different part of the brain responsible for each stage. However, I personally think the hypothesis isn’t true since I get attached first, then attracted, with lust purely optional (but, after further self-evaluation, I have come to the conclusion that I am not exactly the epitome of normalcy). So there’s that.
There have been plenty of romance novels written about love but I’ve noticed that they only talk about one kind of love. In fact, normally, when you say “love”, it brings a picture of roses, teddy bears and declarations of unending devotion.
I’m sure the companies that sold these things are glad that you stuck to the Valentine tradition of giving your girlfriend/boyfriend (no judgment here) overpriced stuffed toys and chocolates.
But I personally think that we should murder people as part of the Valentine tradition since the saint/martyr based on this event was beheaded anyway. A simple slasher movie remake would make a beautiful Valentine’s celebration.
Weird bloodlust comments aside, how does one celebrate Valentine’s Day the “normal” way? By blogging about things that are bordering Pseudoscience of course! According to an article I read, knowing about the six kinds of love as described by the ancient Greek is supposed to change your life (or at the very least your perception).
6 Kinds of Love:
According to my source, the first kind of love is Eros, also known as Sexual Passion or Romantic Love: the most highly-recognized, heavily-marketed and yet considered the most dangerous kind.
The existence, loss and longing for this kind of love has created a lot of art from poetry to film, music to literature. Songs written and composed by Adele, Taylor Swift and John Mayer are some of the most popular examples.
Interestingly enough, even though this is the most well-known and celebrated form of love today, ancient Greece didn’t have such a high regard for it. A lot of them thought that the emotions brought about by Eros is too uncontrollable and intense.
How intense? As in some-laws-allow-the-murder-of-the-unfaithful-spouse-when-caught-having-sex-with-someone-else intense. The loss of control within this kind of love frightened the Greeks; but isn’t it ironic that a lot of people want to fall “madly” in love? Romantic comedy movies approve of madness. I approve of madness.
The Greeks, however, held high regard for the second kind of love which was called Philia, better known as Deep Friendship or Camaraderie: the value of loyalty, sacrifice and honesty among friends and family.
In the purest sense, it is a love between brothers who fight alongside each other in battle. A kind of Philia (sometimes called Storge) describe the love between parents and their children.
In the modern times, this is the kind of love that is mostly ignored. Whenever friends are seen showing this kind of love, the wrong context is thrown toward them and the friendship is dipped in malice. Philia is about showing loyalty to friends, sacrificing for their benefit and sharing your thoughts and emotions with them. This is the kind of love I value most and I expect back, since I’m willing to be loyal and honest to friends who are giving me the same loyalty and honesty right back.
To quote my source: “We can all ask ourselves how much of this comradely Philia love we have in our lives. It’s an important question in an age when we attempt to amass “friends” on Facebook or ‘followers’ on Twitter — achievements that would have hardly impressed the Greeks.”
The third kind of love piqued my interest since it’s the most curious one (at least for me) among the six. Ludus, also regarded as Playful/Puppy/Immature Love.
So basically, Ludus can be seen in flirting, teasing, joking, laughing and having fun playing either with friends or strangers. Latin poetry explores the Ludus concept for its erotic role-playing. When I stumbled upon this kind of love, I realize that the reason a lot of men like to flirt and “play around” is because this is the kind of love they identify with the most.
Even though Ludus seems perfectly innocent and safe, it’s the type that often evolves into another kind whether Eros, Philia or Pragma. In “On the Wings of Love”, a Philippine soap opera, Clark and Leah kept teasing and pulling pranks on each other until they fell in love. A lot of Wattpad stories are made following this kind of format, but I can attest that this happens in real life as well.
The moral of the story is be careful who you tease, the brain is a funny thing that likes to punish you for bullying a defenseless human being. “Play with fire, you get burned” so to speak. I wish I could explain the logic and science behind Ludus but then this post would turn into Pseudoscience and I’m too lazy to adjust the whole post so let’s just leave it at that (for now).
A more radical form, the fourth kind of love is Agape, better known as Unconditional Love or Love for Everyone.
The author C.S. Lewis refers to it as “gift love” or the highest form of Christian love, but it is not an exclusive Christian virtue, other religions such as Theravāda Buddhism promotes the similar idea called Mettā or “universal loving kindness”.
I do this as often as I can but unfortunately, experience has taught me that the only way to survive at this day and age is to be indifferent. I will respond like Alma Moreno “Love everyone, but with reservations.”Pills!
The fifth and what people consider as “#relationshipgoals” is the kind of love called Pragma that means Long-Standing or Mature Love. It’s supposed to be the love present in married couples that have been together for many years.
Alternatively, Pragmatism means “whatever works” or approaching problems by dealing with specific situations instead of creating theories about it. Basically, actions over words.
For anything to last longer than the Honeymoon Stage, and even longer than the Seven-Year-Itch, actions prove to be the most powerful of them all. More than love, Pragma is about making compromises and understanding your partner with enough patience and tolerance to weather any storm.
Erich Fromm, a psychoanalyst, says that we spend too much energy on “falling in love” instead of “staying/standing in love”. Pragma is one of the reasons why, even with HWWV or actual homewreckers, marriages last anyway.
The last kind of love is Philautia or Self-Love. I’d cue “the Greatest Love of All” by Whitney Houston but it’s such a cliché that I’d probably block myself from my own blog for doing it.
There are apparently two types of Philautia: The first having so much Narcissism and self-absorption that it diminishes your capacity to love anyone other than yourself.
The other type is having so much self-awareness and self-acceptance that it enhances your capacity to love others.
How you feel about yourself reflects in your actions towards other people. From the words of Aristotle: “All friendly feelings for others are an extension of a man’s feelings for himself.”
Never the Same Love Twice
I had a conversation with a friend before where he expressed that loving multiple people meant that the person was being inconsiderate about the emotions of everyone involved. I had told him then that love wasn’t limited to sexual desire, and people should just never say I love you when they don’t mean it.
The world has such a black-and-white view on everything that they forget passionate love is not the only kind of love that exists, the same way coffee has different flavors, crayons have different colors and Dota heroes have different skills.
While certain kinds of love such as Eros and Pragma should only belong to one person (unless your religion/country permits polygamy then lucky you), other kinds like Agape, Philia and Ludus can be platonic relationships. But that’s just me, and I’ve already accepted the fact that I may be perceived heartless because of my views.
I will quote Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald “There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice.” Love. Laugh. Be happy! xoxo
Happy Valentine’s Day friends, fellow bloggers and followers! ^_^ Let’s behead people sometime the same way people crucify people during Holy Week! New Valentine’s traditions should be in order. Let’s talk!
If you want to suggest a new series or collaborate on something weird, comment below or send me an e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org.